SAVE FIGMENT

"Two tiny wings

Eyes big and yellow

Horns of a steer, but a lovable fellow

From head to tail, he's royal purple pigment..

and there, voila, you've got a Figment..."

Since my first trip to Disney's Epcot Center in 1984 when I first glanced at His Purple Badness for the first time, I have never quite been able to get over him. Figment, otherwise known as the purple dragon that is the literal embodiment of the 'figment' of your imagination, has captivated generations with his charming laugh, catchy songs, mischievious nature, and adorable features. Figment was the first Disney character not designed by Walt himself. Disney Imagineers thought him up while they were planning Epcot (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow), the first Disney park designed in a different vein altogether from Disneyland or Magic Kingdom. Initial drawings revealed Figment to be a strange green concoction, but fortunately he was redrawn to look... well, I imagine what the figment of one's imagination must look like – random and surreal. With his orange horns and wings, purple body, pink belly, and yellow t-shirt, Figment was unmistakeably original.

Figment and his side-kick Dreamfinder were the animatronic hosts of the fantastic Journey into Imagination ride (1983-1998), where they traveled through the mystical land of human imagination (from dreams to nightmares and everything in between) all the while collecting ideas and daring us to dream up the impossible.

In one of the biggest blunders in Disney history (yes, those are my words), Imagineers decided to tear down the original ride (and the accompanying ImageWorks) as the ride's track was encountering problems. The ride was completely rebuilt as something altogether different and public reaction to the renovation was excessively negative. Disney employees wore black and sulked outside of the attraction and even a Disney stockholder demanded a CEO's explanation as to why Figment was not prominently featured in the ride. Two years later, the ride underwent another extensive renovation to become Journey into Imagination with Figment, a ride which saw more Figment but continuing public dissatisfaction. If you go to Epcot today, you will notice it is the emptiest ride in the park. Upon a trip to Epcot this year, I expressed to an employee my love of Figment to which he sadly responded “It's not what it used to be.” Given the sad state of the attraction and the empty omnimovers, it's a safe bet that the current attraction's days are numbered.

The original Figment was voiced by brilliant character actor and dwarf Billy Blarty, who sadly passed away and took with him that enthusiastic voice that breathed incomparable life and energy into Figment, and who gave him the greatest laugh I've ever heard. Dave Goelz voices the current Figment, which is but a shadow of its former self. During the 1980s, Figment was to Epcot what Mickey was to Magic Kingdom. Figment merchandise abounded and Epcot took a brave unique stance at keeping other Disney characters separate from the Epcot theme park. In other words, Figment owned. The original ride was comprised of every essential element for a classic Disney attraction: the theme, strong visuals and endearing animatronics, a great song... Having taken away the ride was the Epcot equivalent of Pirates of the Caribbean being removed from Disneyland. (Can you imagine the reaction?!) I'm still trying to fathom how such a thing could have happened. Heaven forbid they just replace the troublesome track instead of rebuilding the entire ride.

Yes, that is Michael Jackson at the original ImageWorks Rainbow Tunnel in the amazing first Journey Into Imagination ride, just in case you needed proof that this thing was that cool...

I imagine (pun intend) that one of the great dilemma's facing Disney Imagineers is guest division: half of the guests are traditionalists and want their favorite nostalgic rides to be kept intact while others expect to see constantly revamped attractions and new rides. However, when something works that well it shouldn't be tampered with much (such as Magic Kingdom's Haunted Mansion which goes through the occasional small update but overall remains the same).

Figment is my all-time favorite character. His lessons are universal – belief, imagination, and creativity should be boundless and take us to the places in life we want to go. His message is as relevant today as it's always been, only hardly no one can hear it anymore. The modern ride features a largely computer-animated figment, which very much detracts from the magic of Disney animatronics previously in place (sometimes, older is actually better). The theme isn't very strong, the “One Little Spark” song spans a few lines for the audience to sing along with (which they never do), and overall the ride is as bland as last night's meatloaf. The original ImageWorks featured technologies the public had never seen (early versions of virtual reality exhibits and odd technological spectacles) while the current version gives us little to dream about. Figment's pal Dreamfinder is nowhere to be seen and Figment merchandise is generally yawn-worthy and only sold in a few locations at the park. The last time I went to Epcot, I stopped by Guest Relations to ask them when the costumed Figment mascot would be out and about so I could get a birthday photo with him (Hey, I had to!) and the woman looked at me as if I was insane. Apparently, even the Figment-costumed Epcot cast member is no more, either. They didn't even know he had existed recently! My inner child was completely crushed by everything at Journey into Imagination and the Imagination Institute. What a sorry ending for such a fabulous creature.

Poor decision making = poor audience attendance. The public's love and interest in Figment has not dissipated. Upon speaking with fellow Florida residents and Epcot attendees, I find that they fondly remember Figment and bring their children to experience him as well (the current generation got jipped). Disney honchos must know that Figment is not as of yet altogether through as they have released countless Figment pins and yearly release a limited edition Figment statue, while Figment merchandise on eBay continues to escalate in price and desire. Hopefully these signs will point Disney in the obvious direction and allow them to finally give Figment the updates he deserves instead of sending him into retirement. I believe Figment has generations left to entertain while old generations will fall in love with him all over again. Long live Fig.

To learn all about Figment (and why we should save him from extinction), check out an Figment's amazing unofficial page at figmentsimagination.com.

Favorite Pop Culture Invention O' The Day

Wonderbread sandwich container wins!!!

In the pace of our hectic lives, we often forget the joy a simple little invention can bring us. And, in that haze of busy, we don't stop to fathom how we didn't think of it sooner, lest invent it ourselves and be zillionaires.

For years, we've been hassling ourselves zip-locking every sandwich. Who can even make an educated guess on how many baggies we've gone through in a single lifetime? And for one-time use only! The amount of money the American family spends on such bags a year all seems completely laughable when you see this simple little invention it took us a century to finally think up. It seems like such a no-brainer...

Tupperwear fit for a sandwich! Practical and stylish too (well, as sexy as Tupperwear gets).

*heavenly trumpets resound*

"It's a Wonder we haven't thought of it sooner." Should no doubt be the motto of this nifty critter.

(For the record, I have no idea if Wonderbread was the brainchild behind this as other brands have caught wind of it, including Crayola which now makes their own version among others.)

I'll admit, I'm not the most eco-conscious person in the world, but I do try to recycle and pick up trash and do little things that hopefully add up to making some sort of dent in the grand scheme of Planet Earth. Eating healthier for me means eating at home more often, and the number of paper bags and plastic baggies an individual can go through is astounding. (Have you ever noticed how fast trash piles up at your house?!) It occured to me that I should invest in re-usable products, so I bought a cloth lunchbag (again, why did it take so long to invent this?!), plastic re-usable drink boxes, and - low and behold - I found the amazing sandwich container miracle sitting on the shelf. Life as I know it will never be the same.

Viva la Sandwich!

FYI: You can get these just about everywhere now apparently (I'm a bit slow), they are usually in with the tupperwear products or hanging off a shelf somewhere. They cost less than $2 and totally rock! Do the environment a favor and stock up on re-usable lunch items.

The short life and tragic death of Jonathan Brandis

Once upon a time in Connecticut, there lived a charming little boy wonder named Jonathan Brandis. Jon expressed an interest in the arts from a very early age, and had a strong desire to be an actor. In seemingly no time at all, Jonathan found himself in countless commercials. His parents supported his ambitions and the family moved to Los Angeles, where Jonathan made his mark performing several television guest spots and made his entry into the movie world in films such as Stephen King's "It" and "The Neverending Story 2".



It was Jonathan's role in the 1992 teen comedy "Ladybugs" with Rodney Dangerfield that brought him to the attention of screaming teen girls everywhere, and when Stephen Spielberg cast him in the sci-fi TV series "SeaQuest DSV", the rest was history.

During the early 90s, there was not a teen rag that didn't have Jonathan on the cover, where he dominated the scene as the top ranking teen idol of that time, a position reinforced by the fact that every teen idol magazine in which he appeared not only featured multiple pinups, but the centerfold and a non-stop slew of articles chronicling all aspects of Jonathan's life - from his close relationship to his parents as an only child to his prom night, which he attended with Brittany Murphy.

Jonathan wasn't your typical teen idol. Sure, he had the dazzling blue eyes and the ever-present charisma, but he was clearly a deep thinker and a man who had his own way of doing things. During the 90s, his longterm girlfriend at the time was Tatyana Ali from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and he was proud of his interracial romance (Unfortunately, even by today's standards you don't see that often). Jonathan was one of the most prolific autograph signers and letter writers. Despite receiving 4,000 pieces of fan mail a week from around the world, he took every opportunity to return a letter to fans or sign a photo wherever possible. He even had his own advice column in teen magazines and enjoyed a tremendously positive reputation. Jonathan was not part of the wild teen star scene and was a low key character who stayed away from the party and drug scene while trying to remain as accessible as possible to his adoring public. The possibilities for his future seemed endless.

Fast forward to 1997. Jonathan's run as the boy genius with the pet dolphin aboard SeaQuest ended, and Jonathan found himself struggling for parts. Much of the mainstream public wasn't aware, but he was still actively working. He continued acting via made-for-TV movies and independent films and bit parts in larger films including Hart's War (starring Colin Farrell and Bruce Willis, which Jonathan had high hopes for resuscitating his career). Sadly and through no fault of his own, that role ended up on the cutting room floor. George Lucas auditioned him for the role of young adult Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones. The part eventually went to Hayden Christensen.




I vividly remember sitting at my computer in 2004 digging for entertainment updates. This was in the days before blogging had become all the rage, and while reading news on the E! news website, I saw a single line "Jonathan Brandis, star of SeaQuest DSV, committed suicide by hanging at the age of 27." At first I thought it was a rumor, so I Googled it only to find one other location reporting it, a small newspaper based in Middle America. Eventually the news would be confirmed as true.

I remembered Jonathan well, like any other girl growing up during that era, I thought I would end up marrying him. I couldn't believe that someone with such astronomical fame had been reduced to not being worth more than a few words in a sentence on E!, without a picture or any other mention. To put it into perspective, if Zac Efron died in 15 years, would he have this to look forward to? Seeing Zac, one can't help but think of the similarities. Both were a little too pretty, multi-talented and underestimated, proud of their girlfriends, bore big flashy grins, positive attitudes and endless charm, and were squeaky clean compared to their counterparts.

If you ever see the last known photograph of Jonathan, he was stopped by a fan a few days prior to his death where he posed for a photograph. Looking at the picture, I can honestly say as big a fan as my teenage self had been, I would have never recognized him. He didn't look like the Jonathan I had remembered - his face had filled out, he wore scruffy facial hair, and frankly looked a bit out of sorts. I probably did pass him numerous times on the street, unbeknownst to me he lived a few blocks away from my then West Hollywood apartment and in my favorite neighborhood.

No matter how much one tries, they can never understand what it is to go from thousands of pieces of fan mail a week to walking down a street unrecognizable and forgotten. Apparently, Jonathan's suicide came with a few friends in another room. He had come back from an outing flustered, and threw a rope over the rafters of the hallway in his apartment complex completely sober. By the time his friends found him, he was unconscious, and died from his injuries the following day.

The only magazine that took the time to remember his life in any way was People magazine, who wrote a half-page article on him. Apparently, he wasn't important enough to make it on mainstream entertainment news programs, even though he once ruled the world for an era of teen girls everywhere. Are teen idols really a dime a dozen? How can anyone be on top of the world one day and forgotten the next and maintain the sanity to live a quality life afterwards? I am reminded of one of my all-time favorite films, 1950's "Sunset Boulevard", which gave us the iconic character of Norma Desmond - the aging film star forgotten by the world who mentally unwinds in her Sunset Blvd mansion after discovering the extent of her public neglect. Clearly, here-on-day-gone-tomorrow in Tinseltown is nothing new.

Suicide can touch the lives of just about anyone. Upon researching, I found a few old advice columns Jonathan Brandis wrote in teen magazines. A few people wrote in about contemplating suicide, and he claimed such topics were among the hardest he could ever read. He advised that they call the suicide prevention hotline, something he sadly didn't choose in the end. By all accounts, Jonathan was a good kid from a loving home, not the typical child star with the forceful stage parents and didn't have a long history of addiction, and took his life free of any drug or alcohol impairment. He also had aspirations as a writer and director which we will never see fully realized. In an uncharacteristic move, I wrote a letter to his parents. I remembered he was an only child and couldn't imagine how anyone could make that choice without taking that into account, not to mention the many good friends Jonathan seemed surrounded by who would ultimately be so profoundly affected. His mother wrote me back (in true Brandis fashion) and seemed touched her son was remembered and that the time was taken to write. She said Jonathan was the light of her life and would be, and sent a laminated card of Jonathan in his later years, smiling, with the dates of his birth and death. Above his picture, the card was titled "Fade to Black: Gone but far from forgotten".

To this day, many people don't even know he passed, despite it having been five years. However, several fans picked up the torch and created online website memorials, and JonathanBrandis.org became a suicide prevention site as well as an online testamonial to a beautiful life. We are all left to wonder what could have been, and fated to contemplate how something so awful could have happened to such a once-hopeful and optimistic young man. Jonathan made tremendous contributions to the film and television industry with his enormous talent and will be sorely missed and indeed remembered by those whose lives he touched. He is forever chrystallized on film as the young boy with the bluest of eyes and the biggest of dreams.

RIP.

To those contemplating suicide - Please take the advice Jon didn't and call 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free 24-hour suicide prevention hotline. No matter how much you think people won't notice or care, they will. It's never too late.

"There's something wrong with (fill in the blank and leave Esther out of it)"

Adoption advocacy groups are in an uproar over the release of the thriller "Orphan", claiming it deters people from wanting to adopt.

Any person who would halt adopting due to a Hollywood blockbuster clearly has no business adopting in the first place.

I guess this means we shouldn't swim in the ocean, never feed our pets after midnight, and stick to hanging garlic outside our bedrooms. While we're at it, we might as well not watch TV, we might get sucked into a vortex and be stuck in TV Land for eternity.


Any time some advocate group pipes up with this kind of nonsense because of a film, I just want to say "Congratulations! You must made this movie a guaranteed hit!"

A Tribute to John Williams

No, he's not dead (thankfully). However, John Williams is one of my all-time favorite artists and someone I believe had he been born any other time would be considered one of the great composers of all time. Because we are living in a modern age and movie composers don't quite get their due or rightful appreciation: John - this one's for you.

John Williams is my musical god. Some of you may not know him by name but you would certainly know him by ear. He is the composer of some of the greatest movie scores of all time and is to blame for bringing us the music to Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Jaws, Home Alone, Schindler’s List, Empire of the Sun, Hook, Jurassic Park, Harry Potter, and countless other masterpieces – including the theme of the Olympic games and NBC Nightly News. John Williams also wrote a composition specifically for President Obama’s inauguration which was played right before he took the presidential oath.

I wanted to pay tribute to this man, who I consider the Beethoven of our time. If he had been born 400 years ago, we’d still be listening to his music today. While I am glad he was born in present day, it saddens me to think that when we lose this genius, his work will be lost to time and his resounding themes will probably not be played several centuries from now. I consider him one of the great musical masters and I wish his work could live on in infamy. John Williams themes aren't just vital to film history, they stand alone as prodigious pieces of triumph, terror, joy, and heartbreak on your radio or iPod just the same.

What would these great movies be without John William’s music, which perfectly captures and evokes the feelings and emotions of these cinematic gems? I don’t think any of these movies would be what they are without his contributions. E.T. was actually written as a completely different film until John Williams wrote the captivating soundtrack which caused a complete rewrite of the film and an entirely different change of direction. Our images of Jaws, the beastly man eater, wouldn’t be complete without his haunting theme. Visions of Jedi and Sith wielding light sabers to any other music would be a travesty. “Duel of the Fates” made Phantom Menace worth it.

No doubt, I was familiar with John Williams themes as a child growing up in the 80’s. However, my first specific recollection of his music and it’s effect on me was when I saw Empire of the Sun in school in fifth grade. I was too young to understand the movie (and am a bit shocked such a violent film was played in class, at a Catholic school no less) but I remember being completely floored by the soundtrack, particularly “Toy Planes, Home, and Hearth” which I thought was the most beautiful tragic piece of music I’d ever heard. I went out and bought the soundtrack and used to listen to it on my headphones, tears flowing every time. That probably wasn’t normal, haha, but I couldn’t help it. I was so moved by the piece and the power of the composition.

I began collecting John Williams soundtracks and soon amassed quite a collection. John kept giving me so much to work with. Home Alone was one of my favorite childhood films. I absolutely loved the soundtrack, which I considered heavily influenced by my all time favorite song – The Nutcracker Suite. Such songs are in the tradition of 'neoromanticism', which I can never quite get enough of. There is a beautiful haunting melody on the Home Alone soundtrack CD that doesn’t completely make it’s way to the film that is mind boggling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEy1bSfOcQ4


Hook and Jurassic Park also took my breath away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWIdO9DidqU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ip-ubq5HwpY


I had the opportunity to see John Williams perform some of his classic film scores at the Hollywood Bowl and never made it out. It’s one of the few regrets I have in life. For those fortunate enough to have an opportunity to see John perform live, I urge you to go - I’ve seen performance clips of the show on YouTube and it’s awe-inspiring. He also plays from time to time in other major cities, please check him out of he comes to your area, I guarantee you won't be disappointed.

As some of you know, The Legend of Zelda is one of my favorite theme songs of all time. There is an orchestral version that exists and is available for download on file-sharing sites or can be viewed on YouTube. It is mistakenly attributed to John Williams, but is actually played by the amazing Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra which redid several classic video game themes into sweeping soundtracks available on a rare multi-disc set. However, it’s easy to see the similarities between the Zelda theme and classic John Williams compositions, especially when you hear the orchestral version which is so epic. The composer of the Zelda music, Koji Kondo, unsurprisingly lists John Williams as his main influence musically. John Williams has involved himself in some surprising projects in the past so I suppose it isn’t completely unrealistic to assume how this rumor may have been started.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDlDV_vn8qU

The hallmark of a John Williams soundtrack is that one feels completely overwhelmed and invincible after hearing it. It will make you cry, get chills all over your body, or send your heart racing even when you are in your car listening to a soundtrack CD. There is truly no other individual I would rather listen to. I credit Steven Spielberg for hearing one of John’s early soundtracks and recognizing his potential, wanting him to be the person to compose for his films. It takes a great to know a great.

A few fun John Williams facts:

One of John William’s sons replaced the lead singer of Toto.

John Williams has been nominated for 45 Oscars for his soundtracks, and only won 5 (He is the only living individual to receive that many nominations).


As John gets older, I shudder to think of a world without him. His impact on my life has been beyond measure. I’m sure my love affair with the movies was in part due to those very compositions that changed me profoundly. While he clearly isn’t reading this, I just want to send some great karmic vibes into the universe for him and let him know how much he is appreciated and that he is singular. No one can replace him. To me, his name is right up there with the all time greats where he belongs. None of those movies would be the same without him.

Many orchestras, bands, symphonies, and artists have been inspired by John Williams and have countless performances on YouTube, including compositions conducted by John himself. I am adding a few links of some incredible performances for your viewing pleasure, I encourage you to check them out – they are well worth it.

Thanks, John. You are truly and simply, THE MAN.


Additional links to amazing John Williams compositions. (Must click!)
Watch these and imagine what those films would be without the amazing scores they were blessed with:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sE_vbrj0MqU (Jaws, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, E.T. orchestral)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mr1jHBd5upo (Phantom Menace Soundtrack orchestral)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qv-Z-nSipJY (for the Harry Potter fans)



Even Puerto Rico gives mad love to John Williams:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRiW0j6ATx4 (Jurassic Park Boricua Style!)



And, if you really want to dork out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk5_OSsawz4

Unicru and Standardized Tests

I am at a loss to explain standardized testing in schools and the work place. Research has shown that standardized testing is pretty pointless. Take the GRE for example (entrance exam for Grad school). All of the study books flat out tell you that the test has no relevance to life in graduate school whatsoever, yet students have to shell out close to $150 to take it and to buy all the preparation materials and put their lives on hold for months to get a desired score on it (because 4 years at university isn't enough to prove you are ready for college). Researchers at BGSU proved the ineffectiveness of this system by showing that those who scored high on the GRE actually took LONGER to complete graduate school.

Much in the same vein of rediculous is Unicru (now Kronos Hiring Solutions), otherwise known as the standardized "personality" test used by several large corporations (Walmart, Blockbuster, etc) to hire new employees. Anyone who has been in the job market the past several years has probably run across this monstrosity. Filling out applications online is supposed to make the process run faster, until you get those near-100 Unicru questions after-the-fact and one application takes you an hour to complete. For those who haven't been tormented enough to witness this for yourself, there are a series of seemingly endless questions one has to answer that are supposed to determine your potential as an employee, you can't even get a call back if you don't pass it. Apparently, chosing any answer other than 'Strongly Disagree' or 'Strongly Agree' i.e. answers in the middle is wrong (because real life never exists in shades of grey). I've thought for so long this test is a huge waste of anyone's time and talent that I've done a great deal of research myself on this phenomenon. The mere idea that a generic bogus personality indicator can predict success in employment is outlandish. Every employee has something different to contribute, and no two people will see and experience the world the same way, not to mention like scholastic standardized tests there are many potential strengths and abilities such a test doesn't account for that are simply disguarded in the face of a test that has no relevance either way.

Many of the questions are flat out stupid. Case in point: "Corporations lie to get ahead." (Strongly agree, agree, neutral, disagree, strongly disagree). The answer is supposed to be 'strongly disagree', because corporations don't want to hire people who don't worship the ground they walk on. It's not even an opinion but rather a fact that corporations have lied to become multi-billion dollar enterprises. Knowing this doesn't mean you are going to be a bad employee or, heaven forbid, steal from the company. A fact is a fact. Except with Unicru where you aren't allowed to have an opinion they don't want and still be considered desirable for hire. Isn't that rather totalitarian? So yes, I'll say it loud and proud to the world, I strongly believe corporations lie their tailbone off to get to the top. I, as an employee, however, never have, and never once stole or committed any crime against any workplace and never would.

A lot of the questions border on 'none of your business' personal territory and you shouldn't be forced to answer such questions to get a job nonetheless be rated and judged and have assumptions made qualifying you or disqualifying you for any position based on those answers.

For example:

'You look back and feel bad about the things you've done'.

Part of the problem with this question and countless others is that answers need to be taken in context, and these tests don't give any. The correct example for the above is supposedly 'strongly disagree', which frankly makes a person sound more like a sociopath than a desirable employee to me, or an infallible human, whichever comes first. No one is without imperfection and certainly there are things in all our lives we would probably do a different way at some point. To not feel regret or negativity about some action at some point in your past is completely inhuman. If anyone puts an affirmative answer on this one, it apparently means that you buried a body in someone's backyard and it's still weighing on you.

'You do some things that upset people'.
'People's feelings are sometimes hurt by what you say.'
How generic is this?! I'm sure even E.T. could lay claim to this one. Again, refer to the above paragraph. No matter how saintly a figure you are, everyone has upset someone at one time or another, intentional or not, and I can't fathom why you are expected to deny human frailty when it is a fact. I honestly believe I go out of my way to avoid hurting people's feelings more than the average person, but I am shocked to know there is supposed to be a 'right' or 'wrong' answer to this, even if you go out of your way more than the average person to not upset people or hurt their feelings.

'You have friends but don't like them to be too close'.
'You are a fairly private person.'

I guess anti-social people aren't allowed to have jobs. I'm not one, but I would say I can be fairly private, which I consider to be a strength. Despite being a private person, I have no trouble mingling with the public and being a very outgoing individual when the situation requires, so I'm still trying to see why this is such a bad thing. Especially with what I see everytime I walk into a store (i.e. employees that are more concerned with their cell phones than customers and can't stop talking to anyone and anything within a ten mile radius while ignoring their jobs. Makes me feel that more private people might actually be able to focus more on customers and the job at hand if they kept their private business their own).

'Your moods are steady from day to day.'
'You change from happy to sad for no reason.'
These questions make me sad, because they are so clearly biased against people who have any sort of social or mental disability or problem, and this is actually illegal (institutionalized discrimination). In defending the tests, a Unicru creator said that anyone who has a 'normal' personality shouldn't have any trouble passing the test and getting a job. Am I to understand that only 'normal' people have a right to jobs? And last time I checked, there's no such thing as 'normal' in the firstplace. I am appalled that these tests haven't been outlawed and that so many corporations actually see validity in such a superificial system.


'You get mad at yourself when you make mistakes.'
'You are unsure of yourself with new people.'
No insecurities or perfectionism allowed, mortals.

'You are a friendly person.'
OF COURSE you are! Mean people aren't allowed to be employed. Hey, I don't like dealing with mean-spirited people, but the frank reality is that they have as much a right to live, breathe, and work as I do in a free country.

'Any trouble you have is your own fault'.
Yes. If I get plowed by a semi tomorrow, that's my bad.

'You do not like small talk.'
'You love to listen to people talk about themselves.'
Apparently, answering 'yes' on these makes you a bad person. If you are a deep thinker that appreciates conversations of substance, you're pretty much out of luck getting a job. And not liking small talk or listening to people endlessly talk about themselves doesn't mean you aren't willing to engage in it with a customer when necessary, by the way.

'You don't believe what most people say.' (Eek! PopSpiracy is screwed).

I could go on and on, but you get the point.

Passing the test isn't the problem, it's the principal behind the test that is and the ethics of such a system that is. I stand by my position that no one should be subjected to generic standardized tests. Everyone has something different to offer the workplace and scholastic environment and I wouldn't want to work or study at a place that didn't place value on individual strengths and talents beyond what could ever be measured. That and, how lazy do you have to be to have a computer screen candidates for you? I'm see some corporations doubt the natural talents of their HR departments as well... The bottom line is that standardized tests don't work and never have. Not in the school system and not in employment. Notice that Unicru nor the companies who use it don't release statistics on employee turnovers at that company, because they would no doubt reveal that the test doesn't work. Anytime I go into a company that screens with Unicru, I see different faces on a weekly basis. Does that tell you anything? Strongly agree.

How to see all four Walt Disney World Parks in four days (and see most everything)

PopSpiracy is back from the most amazing Disney birthday celebration humanly possible, and I’m going to share the ins and outs and how-to’s with all of you. I have always had the good fortune of living within an hour and a half of both Walt Disney World (Florida) and Disneyland (California) all my life. I’ve been more times than I can count, having been an annual passholder multiple times over. During my many trips, I’ve learned quite a bit, but I’ve also found that with Disney, there is always more to see and know than you ever thought possible. The following applies specifically to Walt Disney World in Florida as it is much larger, but much of it can be applied to Disneyland or major theme parks in general.

Recessions are tough and scrounging up the amount of money necessary for a Disney vacation might seem very difficult, but now is actually the best time to go. There are plenty of deals (package promotions and otherwise) trying to lure people to the parks during this dwindling season, and if you are lucky enough to be a Florida or California resident, more options are available to you. Even if you are from the UK or abroad, you might find special deals specifically for you. While Disney will probably say their park attendance hasn’t dropped that much, I can tell you that I just went during peak season, and the crowds literally seeemed about 30% lighter. Not to mention, low season is coming up in August and no doubt more deals are on their way (though there are rumors of a price increase next month, which given the timing, seems hideous).

Less people means shorter lines and more time to see what you want to in a shorter period of time. Disney package deals are set up so that the more time you spend at the parks, the cheaper it is. However, I suggest that four days is about the right amount to see the parks if you plan it appropriately (a day and a half for Epcot and Magic Kingdom, and Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios in ½ days.) I also had a fairly relaxed trip, believe it or not, and still managed to see all I wanted to. Tricks of the trade below.

(This mentions tons of very affordable tips. Understand that I am fairly young and as economically challenged as most young people, so in order for me to make the trip, I had to find the best bargains possible and I did. And, it turns out I had the best trip I ever had! So bear in mind, this schedule and advice is especially for those looking for the best experience possible at the best value, which is easy to do if you do your homework).

The affordable path to the House of Mouse:

1) Plan, plan, and plan. I’ll admit, I’ve never been into intense planning, and the idea of mapping everything out before going to a theme park seemed somehow like it would detract from the spontaneity and magic of it all. However, trying it this time, I found the opposite to be true - and I saw things I’d never seen in all my travels!

There are plenty of books and websites that can help you find deals, tips, hidden mickeys (i.e. hidden Mickey Mouse silhouettes hidden around the parks), etc., if you want more than my article and it certainly doesn’t help to have more than one source. I will try to cover a lot of the basics. Good websites to check out are www.mousesavers.com and www.allears.net. Touringplans.com (and/or it’s accompanying book “The Unofficial Guide To Walt Disney World”) or tourguidemike.com will also help you plan your vacation, you can even print out customizable travel plans and "cheat sheets" at Touringplans.com. If you have the book, Touringplans.com special features are free, otherwise you pay a small fee. I used the 2009 edition (Amazon.com is a beautiful thing).

Many Disney restaurants take reservations, and the recommended time to make them is anywhere from 3-6 months in advance, particularly if you are going during peak season. If you call the Disney reservation line and can’t find an open reservation for your desired time, call back as the days get closer (visitors at times cancel) or, if absolutely desperate, increase the number of your party. For example, if you are a party of two, make reservations for a party of four and see if you have better luck. The way the Disney system is set up, it only takes into account the number of people in your party when connecting you to a specific time. When at the restaurant, they can make the change and accommodate the number of your party on the spot, though you may have to wait an additional few minutes.

2) Obviously your length of stay is up to you, and with Disney offering enticing deals for you to stay longer, you can draw out the ocassion to your liking. I found four days to be sufficient, any more might have been overkill, and I’m a HUGE Disney park fan. Your body can only take so much, and in the four days if you plan properly, you can get sufficient R&R. This plan includes the four main WDW parks (not the water parks). Your body does acclimate to the intensive workout (the first day will be rough and you’ll probably wake up sore if you aren’t accustomed to it). If you want to throw in a fifth day you can though you can still do all of this and get rest, in four days. If you want to visit the water parks, you can add in additional time. Though again, a Disney trip is exhausting as an adult, and even kids are falling asleep all over the parks.

3) Take advantage of the 2009 birthday special! If you haven’t celebrated your birthday yet this year and have one prior to the beginning of the new year (or someone in your party does), Disney has a promotion for the birthday folk that enable them to come to the park for free on their birthday. They can upgrade that ticket to multiple days for a smaller fee or you can exchange it the day of your birthday for a $75 gift card to use in the Disney shops or for Fastpasses (more on them later). You can sign up for the promotion online, and submitting your e-mail address to Disney sites can enable them to send you other discounts that can save you money on accomodations. If you don’t have a birthday, submit your e-mail address with the official Disney site for updates regardless.

4) There are three types of Disney resorts: Value, Moderate, and Deluxe (varied by price). Don’t mistake value resorts for being unfit to stay in, if you look at pictures of the rooms for all three resorts, there often isn’t a large difference. It’s mostly the décor of the buildings, fancy lobbies and possible views you might be paying more for, and ultimately even the value resorts offer some pretty amazing sights. I haven’t stayed in them all as I am a Florida resident at present and often don’t need the accommodations, but I can vouch for the Pop Century Resort which I have stayed in, and it was an amazing experience. The Pop Century can be compared to a Best Western with fancy flair, only the additions are so fun it makes a sincere difference. Pop Century is themed in pop culture (of course I would stay there), and you can request stays in buildings themed for the 50s-90s. The pools are shaped like a giant bowling pin, flower, and computer screen, and 24/7 they will be occupied. I heard not to get a room by the pool for noise (preferred rooms are located by the pool, standard rooms aren’t and are generally cheaper), however for my birthday I was upgraded to a preferred room on the first floor right next to the pool and found the sound proofing to be impressive in the room and barely heard the commotion outside. The beds and pillows were super comfortable and it was so fun exploring all the hidden knick-knacks all over the property (aside from the pop culture resort, there are value resorts themed for sports, music, and movie fans as well).

There are obviously other options besides staying on Disney property, however there are advantages to staying at Disney resorts. Chief among them are transportation to the parks (I believe they can pick you up at the airport, too) as well as not having to pay for parking at the theme parks if you have a car (each park racks up $12 per car so right there you save almost fifty bucks, and you have access to Extra Magic Hours (hours before and after the parks open and close reserved solely for resort guests - a great way to see all the parks in a shorter period of time).

5) If staying on Disney property, make sure to check out the Extra Magic Hours of the park for the dates you are thinking about going if they are already available (each park has different extra magic hours and the hours do change depending on the date). I wouldn’t recommend jumping to use extra magic hours in the morning as whatever park is offering that option tends to be busier, however take advantage of the nighttime extra magic hours - many more people are willing to get up an hour earlier than stay up until 3am at the Magic Kingdom). If you can schedule a vacation that includes a day when Magic Kingdom is open from midnight to 3am, I would advise you plan around that (more on this later).

6) Have an itinerary printed out of any reservations you’ve made (you will receive reservation numbers though you most likely won’t need them when at the particular location) as well as any notes for yourself, including weather forecasts for each day. Make sure you have with you a list of which parks are open at what times and what the magic hours are for those parks. I would recommend adding the park hopper option, which gives you increased flexibility and allows you to go from park to park in any given day. There is an extra fee for this, however it’s nice to have an option (or a few) at your disposal. You can still alter a good plan and be successful. When you get to the park, make sure you get a map and a Times Guide for all the showtimes. Bring a pen with you, don’t be afraid to scratch up and mark your itinerary and map, when jumbled together it can get confusing to remember what you went on already and what you can get to next the fastest.

7) There are values at Disney if you look, and this can apply to meals. While most Disney food is standard (and somewhat bland fare), there are some notable exceptions. When talking about Disney dining, it doesn’t get better than dining in the countries at Epcot (Epcot is divided into two sections: Future World (dedicated to technological innovation) and World Showcase (featuring 11 countries built around the World Showcase Lagoon). If you don’t dine in the countries, you are missing out on a big part of what Epcot has to offer. And you can dine at great restaurants for good value here if you know how to do it. My two best value suggestions are lunch at the Akershus in Norway and the Biergarten in Germany. Akershus provides guests with professional photo prints with a character Princess (you get an 8x10 plus four smaller copies of the same photo, included in the package) plus opportunities to meet other princess characters. They have an incredible buffet (above average), then a fixed course meal you can choose, then multiple deserts per table, all for about thirty dollars a person. I’m not into the princesses, but even I have to admit the whole thing was fun, and the food was great. In Germany’s Biergarten, you can have an above average buffet with great live entertainment (you share tables with other guests as this is part of the German tradition, and if you get stuck next to cool people, this can be an amazing experience) for about twenty dollars a person. I had more fun in these two restaurants than I can tell you, and if it’s your birthday, even better. You will receive a birthday button pin if you are staying at a resort, I recommend you wear it as it is the only way anyone knows it is your birthday and the restaurants and other spots at the resorts might throw in a cool treat for you or give you preference with accommodations. By the way, don’t fake any of this birthday stuff. It’s not kosher!

At Epcot, Le Cellier (the steakhouse in Canada) is a hard restaurant to get reservations to, so plan in advance if you’d like to eat there. The Garden Grill revolves and features character dinners as well as a revolving floor and features some items grown at the nearby greenhouse. In Magic Kingdom, eating at Cinderella’s castle is also difficult to get reservations at so do so in advance if desired. Cosmic Ray’s is a fun inexpensive cafeteria at Magic Kingdom. Get there the first or last hour they are open and listen to the amazing Sonny Eclipse (whose name I mistakenly first saw as ‘Sonny Oedipus’ - let’s not read into that one too much). Sonny is an alien animatronic on a keyboard who provides lounge entertainment, and he is absolutely mesmerizing and far more entertaining than the majority of lounge performers I’ve seen. It’s fun things like Sonny that you randomly stumble upon at Disney that make it so surprising.

Hollywood Studios has the 50s café and Sci Fi Diner feature average food but fun themes, and the Brown Derby is very tasty. Downtown Disney (outside the parks) also offers great food selections and, naturally, a McDonalds.

Like most things on Disney property, even the McDonalds has loads of little details that provide pointless amusement, like the Happy Meals traveling on conveyer belts.

If your food bill starts racking up, you can always leave the park and get a bite to eat or chose to eat before or after park hopping. Pastries at the Patisserie in France are great and you can find some great shopping deals in the gift shops of Italy, China, and others if you browse. Shop smart, it adds up fast.

Food tip:
Avoid any buffet or place that has toppings or salad bars out in the open during the last hour(s) of park operation. I got sick after my Disney trip, and I have suspicions it was from using the Toppings bar prior to park closing, though in all honesty, there are germs a-plenty at Disney. Bring hand sanitizer and use it (I wish I'd done this more). If you feel sick any day of the park, stay at the hotel. Trust me, going to a park when you feel sick is the last thing you can do with all the energy and lights and motion constantly prevalent.

8) There are many tours you can take, often quite pricey and mostly very time consuming. An inexpensive tour is the ‘Behind The Seeds’ tour at Epcot, located at The Land which takes you through the Epcot greenhouse (which produces 30 tons of food for Epcot a year). The greenhouse is actually a fascinating place which has always utilized advanced growing technologies and has many solutions for the future of our food. I’ve never been a green thumb or interested in agriculture, but I found the tour to be really interesting and educational (it’s about $15 a person). However, our tour lasted a half hour longer than expected, so go in there knowing that they might go overboard with time. Even so, it didn’t set back the schedule much, but it was toasty in the greenhouse and thus somewhat exhausting to stand there when the tour went on overdrive. I had a great time though and proceeds go to further research at the greenhouse which is always a good thing.

9) Be aware of the weather. In Florida, it tends to rain during the summer often. Usually the storms pass fairly quickly and you can always duck into a pavilion or shop to kill some time. Bring an umbrella or a poncho and you’ll be fine. Make sure to check out weather forecasts for the time you will be in town so you can dress appropriately.

10) Be in shape. Disney parks take about 11-13 miles a day to travel. If you aren’t accustomed to exercising, this is not the place you want to be. Work up to it and hit the gym leading up to your trip and build up your muscles. Using my four day schedule, I still had time to take it easy when I needed to and head back to the hotel and rest for an hour or two and then return to the parks when necessary. I highly recommend you take a break when you need it. Bring a cooling fan (O2 Cool blue misting fans are great - you can get these at WalMart and they are stronger and more inexpensive than what you could find at Disney. They are often in the sporting section though they may be sprinkled about the store. They require two AA batteries and are AMAZING, especially in Florida heat.)

11) No matter how planned your itinerary is, don’t be afraid to take breaks when you need to and to EXPLORE. There are so many details all over Disney that you never know what you’ll find, and despite the countless times I have been there, I take a wrong turn and find something magical (such as the wishing well near Cinderella’s Castle at the Magic Kingdom). Exercise caution, if you are a single female I wouldn’t recommend disappearing into dark paths or crevices at night, no matter how safe Disney claims to be.

12) Check out live shows. Particularly those in the countries at Epcot, they are lots of fun (Can you guess which park is my favorite?). A Beatles cover band appears in the Gazebo in the United Kingdom and you can always stop for a drink at the Rose and Crown UK pub. Voices of Liberty in America give tear-inducing patriotic acapella, and the film presentations the countries host are absolutely beautiful, especially the circle vision films of China and Canada. France's presentation is also gorgeous.

13) Recommended items to bring: poncho or umbrella, sandals (to change into in case it rains), extra socks - get socks that mention ‘dry’ on the packaging or that say ‘moisture-wick’. These will absorb sweat or rain and help prevent any blisters. Buy moleskin (not made from real moles!!!) in the foot section of the pharmacy at Walmart or elsewhere and a pair of scissors so you can cut it to your specifications - if you have any blister forming, slap this stuff on and keep on walking. Buy a box of Hefty OneZip jumbo multi-purpose bags (2 ½ gallon), I can’t tell you the number of uses these things have. Stuff several of them in your light backpack (travel as light as possible - a small locker costs $10!). You can use these bags for everything from sitting on the ground to an instant ice pack to - heaven forbid - the dreaded barfbag - to storing candies to your itinerary to storing your other bags in the event of rain and half a billion other things you can use them for. They are relatively large but perfect for any unexpected scenario and completely lightweight. I recommend you find the lightest backpack possible and stick to the bear minimum. Also, bring a portable water bottle (with a clip) as park bottled water will add up quickly and on a really hot day you can go through several of these. Fill up with ice and bottled water before you arrive at a park and fill it up at fountains throughout the day (which may not taste the greatest so if there’s some sort of flavoring you’d like to add, feel free to bring it). You are allowed to bring water bottles and snacks to the park. Wear comfortable sneakers (make sure you’ve tried and tested these as much as possible). Bring spray-on sunscreen, it’s so much easier to deal with than lotion.

14) Do what the Disney folks tell you to do! I can’t believe the number of people who get ancy if a ride temporarily breaks down for a minute or two. It’s always the folks who try to step out when they aren’t supposed to or stand up on a rollercoaster or swim across the lagoon that end up becoming true urban legends. The rules are there for a reason - and you can't find a more organized place than Walt Disney World. Given some of the things I've seen, that's a good thing.

15) Listen to your body. If you are sick or in pain, go to the hotel and heal. And, for the sake of all that is dear in the world, listen to your kids! I can’t tell you how many parents I saw literally forcing their children onto rides they were terrified of. The whole objective of going to Disney is to have fun. If you are going to pay that kind of money, you might as well have as much fun as possible where and when possible. Not everyone has the same idea of a good time, and I am still at a loss to explain the parents and their terrified children. If a kid is obviously rattled, don’t force them. There are plenty of rides at all the parks for every age group. I think some parents feel that the rides are somehow symbolic of life, that if you make your kids face your fears at a theme park, you’ll build stronger children. I don’t believe that AT ALL, even if the ride is less scary than your kid thinks it is, and all the crying and screaming isn’t fun for them and it certainly ruins the ‘magic’ for those people around you. Take it from someone that used to be one of those kids. As a general rule of thumb, don't go to Disney if you are not the type of person who can take it for what it is and have a good time. Grouchy and rude adults abound at the park. If you'd rather be chilling in a vineyard or exploring the polar ice caps, spare us all and do so. Disney is about imagination, fun, creativity, and exploration. If you can't get into that mind frame, don't make the trek.

16) Tips to see as much as possible in four days:

FASTPASS, fastpass, and more fastpass. Every park has a select number of rides (usually the most popular) that offer the Fastpass option. Know which rides offer Fastpass in advance and plan accordingly. Next to each Fastpass ride, you will find a set of kiosks. Insert your ticket into one and it will pop out a Fastpass for you, which indicates the time you can return to that ride without having to wait in a line (or at least a long one). In all my days at Disney, I barely waited in lines at all, and the longest one I waited in was less than half an hour. Compare that to the two hours it takes to ride some attractions during this peak season. Planning literally pays, and if you plan appropriately, you can save about four hours each day.

Arrive at the parks 30-40 minutes before they open. Sometimes they open earlier on peak season, and if not, you’ll be one of the first people in the park (most folks arrive towards the afternoon). I’m not a morning person AT ALL, but it is absolutely pivotal for a wait-free Disney experience. The lines are generally super short. The idea of doing as much as possible in four days can only be achieved if you arrive to the park early, fastpass wisely, plan carefully, and take advantage of Extra Magic Hours. Again, this will all save you time and allow you to be mellow at the parks, take breaks when necessary, and even return to your hotel room for an hour or two to rest and still keep with the schedule.

The parks are huge, but most of the time spent there can easily be spent standing in long lines. During the opening of the park or when using and obtaining Fastpasses, the idea is to knock out the most popular rides first and as fast as possible. Then you can break and take it easy. You can pick up a Fastpass in one spot then go to another popular ride and so on and use your Fastpass when the time is indicated later. Each person in the group will need their own Fastpass. Don’t use it if the line is less than half an hour or if it’s a theater show, those can usually hold large amounts of people and you can only get one Fastpass at a time. Also, go on rides during parades as the rides tend to empty out. If you have Extra Magic Hours at night, be sure to locate which rides are open for those parks during those extra hours and go on all the popular attractions then. For example, using the park hopper pass addition, I was able to spend the day at Epcot, go back to the hotel and rest for a few hours, then use my ticket to hop over to the Magic Kingdom from 12-3am and go on all the major rides during Extra Magic Hours. The next day I slept in and woke up when my body was ready to, went to the Magic Kingdom, and finished out all the rides and explored the park in a day. Bear in mind that all the walking will tire you out so be sure to get in some naps when attempting this schedule. Again, to see all you want to, Epcot and Magic Kindom generally take a day and a half (possible through early rises, fast passes, and extra magic hours) and then Animal Kingdom can generally be seen rather quickly if you get there when the park opens and stay until about 3pm (the animals end up being fed around 4pm and tend to disappear so it’s more of a daytime park) and then you can go to MGM and see as many rides and attractions as possible. You night not be able to see everything there depending on crowds and how well you've planned or at what time you arrive, so know what it is you want to see in advance and go on that first. If you get there in good time, you should see quite a bit. Eating out of the parks or bringing food will save you good time as will bringing a car and avoiding other transportation. Don’t park hop to more than two parks in a day as that can be time consuming.

17) Brief park crowd descriptions: Epcot is personally my favorite (!!!), but I’m biased. I lovingly call it “The PBS of theme parks”. If you love Discovery, History, and PBS channels, this is your park. Walt Disney believed education could be fun, and the park was built in this spirit, along with his visions of future communities (EPCOT stands for Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow. It isn’t exactly note for note Walt’s vision as it was originally intended to be living community - but he would have been proud. Probably not of the prices though, I’m sure Disney originally envisioned his parks to be a place for everyone, not those who had wads of dough. If you want to see more of a realistic version of Walt’s community vision, drive through Celebration - the living community near Disney World). Epcot is less about rides and more about learning. Some may find it a tad boring, I think it's exceptional.

I recommend you buy some books on the parks so you can get an idea of the history and ideas surrounding these parks and attractions, it will give you a greater appreciation for them. Epcot tends to be more of an adult park, but I was always fascinated by it as a child. Though a brief rant - Epcot Center (the earlier version) was far better, and avoided the kind of product placement now found throughout the park. Poor Figment (from Journey Into Imagination) has been relegated to a run-down attraction not befitting of his awesomeness, and I remember when the Mexican boat ride used to be about Mexico, not Donald Duck… I digress. If you go to the Living Seas, check out the dolphin training exhibit and experience Turtle Talk with Crush theater experience. I don't have any children, but I found it to be true magic to see the technology at work here in providing kids with an experience to actually talk to an animated screen character (This secret technology is also visible at the Monsters Inc. comedy club at Magic Kingdom.)

Magic Kingdom is definitely the park for little kids, so beware and watch where you are stepping! Hollywood Studios is more of a teen crowd and Animal Kingdom which is basically a zoo with Disney flair is more for everyone.

18) Extra tips:

Disney rides love to smartly empty out into themed gift shops. After that kind of product placement, your kids will be dying to buy one of everything. A fun affordable souvenir for them is to bring quarters and pennies. Many sections of the parks (such as Epcot’s countries and attractions) include booths that allow for pressed pennies highlighting the attraction or section. (Each costs $50 cents plus a penny). It’s a fun distraction and neat collectible.

Again, feel free to explore. See if you can find the water fountain that shoots in reverse, the talking trashcan, or the talking water fountain (Take a wild guess which park these are in!).

There are tons of photo opportunities available, including inside the gift shops. They are incredibly understanding about posing with the merchandise. Why do I have the distinct feeling I just made a Disney employee's life hell?! Be respectful and put everything back!

On a final note, I will say that Disney is indeed “magic”. The park means something different for everyone. I was truly touched by the couple I sat at the table with at the Biergarten who talked about how they worked in hospice care and the parks offered them an opportunity to see people LIVE and love and had a beautiful time. This escape was so necessary for them they literally went every week. For me, the place brings back fond memories and childhood experiences, but also the opportunity to create new memories, and ones that were just as magical if not better than the ones I’d had before. As a non-planner, I can verify to you that the preparation involved in planning my trip was a thousand percent worth it. If you get to go, best of luck and enjoy! And, do send us an e-mail and let us know how we did.

P.S. The only thing I went on that I hated at Disney was Country Bear Jamboree at Magic Kingdom. I could stand the Enchanted Tiki Room just fine next to that thing. If you want to see bears older than I am that look like they are about to keel over and go to animatronic hell and horrid southern stereotypes, look no further.
P.P.S. Sit in the back of the theater so you can run right out without disturbing everyone if you insist on taking a peek just to prove me right.